"Relationship Tips from a Therapist" - Part TWO

Welcome back!

To recap, in part one, we talked about not making assumptions about the other person, checking-in often, being respectful, communicating often and having hard conversations, and more. Click here to refresh your memory.

Now that we are up to speed....let's continue, shall we!

Relationship Tips (cont'd):

1. Be your own person.

Doing things separately can be healthy. Have different hobbies/interests/goals from each other. Do things with other friends, family members, etc. You don’t have to have all the same interests and like all the same things. You’re allowed to be different from your partner. You’re allowed to be different from your best friend. Trust that your relationship was built on a commonality, and that you can have a balance of differences, as well.

2. It’s okay to go to bed mad. 

Hot take! You don’t have to resolve everything before bed. Sometimes we need a breather and sleep on things. Sometimes we need rest and step away from a situation, so we can recharge and come back to the issue in a better state of mind.   

3. Affirmations. Compliments. Appreciative Statements.

Make it a habit to tell each other when you like behaviors they do; not just the bad ones. Here are some examples of some affirmations to give to someone in your life that you care about, that aren’t about looks….

You understand me in a way no one else does.

I love the way your mind works.

I value your insight.

I like spending time with you.

Your optimism is inspiring.

I really appreciate that I know you always have my back.

Thank you for matching my energy when I am excited about something.

I love how you consider my needs without having to ask you for that.

I value your perspective.

You're fun to be with.

4. Make room for growth.

Not allowing your partner to grow or change their mind about things can be detrimental to the relationship. Growth is not only important for your personal well-being, but also for a relationship. Grow together. Talk about the changes, be open, be respectful, learn from each other.

5. Talk about sex.

“If you can’t talk about it…you shouldn’t be having it.” Make time to talk with your partner about sex. It is important to make it a safe place for each, with no judgment. Share your likes, dislikes, concerns, what you’re curious about, ask questions, etc. 

6. Social-media awareness.

Social media can be a slippery slope. Be conscious of how much you are on social media and how much weight you are giving to it. Ask yourself: Am I connecting my worth to how many likes/comments/views I get? Am I comparing myself to others? Do I feel like I need to keep up with what I see on social media? 

7. Fair fighting. 

Yes, there is a way to argue without being nasty and ugly. No name calling, stick to one topic, validate the other person’s feelings. Allow each other to have a turn. If it gets too heated, agree to take a break. If you decide to remove yourself from the situation….TELL the person, don’t just storm out without communicating you need a break.

8. Pride aside.

Sometimes you need to put your pride aside. You don’t always have to be right. This is self-explanatory but I will say it just in-case…..saying “I told you so” is never necessary or beneficial. Just don’t say it! If you need to….go write it in your journal and keep it to yourself! 

9. Don’t snoop.

If you decide to look into a person’s personal stuff (phone, drawers, closet, etc.) you better be prepared to see things you didn’t expect. You can't unsee or unknow all the things you saw. Also, a relationship needs trust. If you’re curious or have questions about something, ask the person. 

10. Don’t ignore the red flags. 

Go with your gut. Does something feel off? Some examples of common red flags may be: wanting to move too fast, gaslighting, manipulation, how they speak to you, how they treat others (including the wait staff at restaurants). We all have our own deal breakers. Be sure you know what yours are before going into relationships.

11. No comparing.

Don’t compare your relationship to other relationships. This includes relationships you see on social media, relationships in your life, past relationships, etc. Each relationship is different and unique in their own way. Which brings me to my next point….

12. Make your own rules.

There is no rule-book for being in a relationship. Often we think our relationship has to look a certain way, but in actuality, they absolutely DO NOT. What works for one person, might not work for another….same goes for relationships. One size doesn’t fit all. Make your own rules, together. 

Again, because we are talking about relationships, many of these tips also require someone else’s commitment and dedication. Send this blog to your partner, friend, family member, etc. and have this as a starting point on discussing your relationship. Ask each other….which one’s do you think we need to work on; which ones do you think we do a good job with; which things make you uncomfortable and might need help with, etc. 

Stay tuned for more tips on: parenting, communication, therapy, and more!